Double-Loop Reflection

This post is a follow up on my last post: Being TOO good on my feet

Thanks to everyone for their support from the last post.  It was really encouraging to see that you guys not only read, but could also relate to what I was saying.  Some follow up.

I've been thinking about this idea of comparison and self-evaluation.  Yes, I am not anyone else, I am myself.  It is a self I'm slowly growing to understand and accept.  Growing up being Korean-American has definitely skewed my understanding of me over the years.  On the Korean side I have a self that has been pushed to be highly self-critical, amongst other things.  On the American side, I have someone trying to be comfortable with myself.  These two things collide to produce someone who has difficulty gaining any real understanding of who I am.

I tend to get feedback on the extremes.  On the one end, I have people telling me (with loving intentions) that I'm at the top of my class and that I'm super bright and that will take me a far way.  On the other side, I have people reminding me (again,  lovingly) of the many shortcomings I have in my life.  But there have been rarely people who have been able to say to me "here's the good and the bad and that's who you are."  As such, I've have difficulty seeing myself that way as well.

I'm pretty sure that there are good things in my life as well as bad.  There are things I excel at and things I really do need to work on.  I've been really thinking about this notion of reflection lately and trying to learn how to be better, and more importantly more practical, about it.  Hopefully through that I'll be able to settle some of these issues.